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Warning, this call may be monitored for quality assurance. What happens when computer scammers call me? I give them “on the phone training in patience.”


So I get a phone call from a support center saying that my computer is infected with viruses and that they are willing to help me download some software to fix it.

So I take them up on their offer but what they don’t know is that I am about ready to take them on a nineteen minute ride.

So the scams have been going on for quite some time, several years, actually but apparently it’s very successful because if it wasn’t successful and they weren’t getting money out of it they wouldn’t be doing it anymore.

How it works is pretty simple. They call you up and they say that you have a virus on your computer.

When in reality what they are showing you is really what any computer has it’s just like kind of not ever knowing that you really have belly button lint.

Oh look! Your belly button! It has that lint stuff in it! You have a virus!

Then once they’ve shown you that you computer is infected, they can help you by showing you a website where you can go, pay money to download software onto your system to fix it all.

In reality, that software that they have you download, really doesn’t do anything to help fix your system. In fact, it probably infests your system with more malware and crapware and stuff like that.

While they have your money that you paid to buy their crappy software.

Now, realize, I am a professional. Kind of. At least I like to think of myself as a professional.

I’ve even done the whole tech support phone thing.

I’ve really got to hand it to these guys, they have patience.

They have more patience than I think I have ever shown any of the callers who called me for help.

But, of course, I didn’t call them for help, they called me–and they didn’t really know what they were getting into.

Now, of course I did this all for fun. I would never do this to a legitimate company.

Well, not for fun, I wouldn’t.

So here’s what happened, basically I was having a nice evening with my family when all of a sudden the phone rings and I answer it and it’s the support center calling me to let me know that my computer is infected.

I, of course, know the name of the game but I go ahead and follow along because I figure well, I can have a little fun with these people.

So what they have me do first is to hit the “Windows” key plus the “R” key.

And, of course, that’s a pretty simple task and I do that a few times, and they keep on asking me, “So what do you see on your screen now?”

I just say, “I see a blank screen,” over, and over, and over again. Finally, I give them the idea that my computer may not be on. And so they have me turn it on.

While I’m “fake” booting my computer, because it really is on, I’m actually getting my recording stuff ready so that I can record the conversation.

My computer is now supposedly rebooted, and this is where the is about two minutes in.

>>CALLER: Ok, what do you see on the computer screen now? Do let me know.

>>ME: Yeah, I see a lake with some flowers and it’s snowing outside.

>>CALLER: Look at your screen and at the extreme left hand bottom corner of your screen do you see a Start button? Do you see that?


>>CALLER: Just provide a single left click on that please. Just concentrate on the right hand side of this menu. Do you see any option over there that says computer or My Computer? Do you see that?

>>ME:Ohh, wait

>>CALLER:Click on computer…

>>ME:Wait, wait, um, it says Windows, Windows is installing updates and I need to restart.

>>CALLER:Yes, provide–sorry?

>>ME:It says Windows is installing updates and that I need to restart.


[2 minutes later]

>>ME:I don’t have a mouse pointer thing right now, that little arrow.

>>CALLER:OK, leave it. Just give it a while. Wait for a while that means that it is not–you know–that it is not ready to come up. Just wait for a while, please.


>>CALLER: Wait for a while.

>>ME:Hey, you know what, I’ve go to go to the bathroom real quick. Can I put you on hold?


>>ME: I’ve have to go to the bathroom real quick, can I put you on hold?

>>CALLER: Okay, yes, sir. Just go ahead please.

>>ME:OK, one second.

>>CALLER: I will hold on for you. [small laugh]

>>ME: Alright, thank you.


[2 minutes later]

>>ME:OK, sorry about that. Are you still there?


>>CALLER:Yes, sir, I am here.


>>CALLER: I am here.

>>ME:OK. Allright, it looks like it is ready again.

>>CALLER: OK. Now also look at your keyboard please. Just look at your keyboard.

>>ME: OK

>>CALLER: At the extreme left hand bottom corner of your keyboard do you see a CTRLbutton?

>>ME: Carl?

>>CALLER: Beside that control button, which key do you see over there, by that control button?

>>ME: I see four squares.

>>CALLER: Keep it pressed please. Keep it pressed only that four square button.


>>CALLER:Keep it pressed.

>>ME: I got the four square button pressed.

>>CALLER: Without, yes, without releasing it, you need to press the letter “R.” Now what do you see?

>>ME: On the keyboard or on the screen?

>>CALLER: On the screen. What do you see there?

>>ME: I see the weather out side.

>>CALLER: No, no, sir I think you have that wrong. You need to press and hold that windows button. That four flag Windows key.

>>ME: Okay.

>>CALLER: On your video screen, what do you see?

>>ME: Well, there’s a little window in the lower lefthand corner. It says “run.”

>>CALLER: Yes! Exactly! Yes, sir.
Type over there in that box the letter:
E as in Edward
V as in Victor
Once more, E as in Edward
N as in November
T as in Telephone
V as in Victor
W as in Whiskey
and then R as in Roger

Allright? What are the options over there?

>>ME: There’s a lot of options.

>>CALLER:Yes, what are the options?

>>ME: Well, I have like a event viewer.

>>CALLER: Do you see any of the red cross error or the yellow triangle warning over there? Do you see that? Scroll down.

>>ME: I see a yellow triangle and I see some red exclamation points.

>>CALLER: Exactly! See, these are the warnings of which I was talking about.

>>ME: Okay

>>CALLER: Every day you are going online infected files are entering into your computer. Just do one thing, close down all the pages and go online, please. Launch your internet.

>>ME: But, if I open up the internet I’m going to have to cancel the phone call because we have a modem.

>>CALLER: Okay, now, just a–sorry, what? You’re online?

>>ME: No, I can’t because I’m talking to you. I-I need to a cancel this phone call and then I need to upload my modem to get online.

>>CALLER: Why, sir, you are using a dial-up connection, why?

>>ME: Why am I using a dial-up connection? Because that’s how I get my AOL.

>>CALLER: I do believe you have–no, sir. Do you have any other cell phone number? Other phone number? Apart from this one?

>>ME: No.

>>CALLER: Go online and login to your email account and I will send you the steps and call you back. Just provide me with your email address. What is your email address?

>>ME: Sure. It’s Hankey.


>>ME: Yeah, except there’s an E before the Y. Its–

>>CALLER: Just spell out

>>ME: No it–

>>CALLER: Spell out

>>ME: It–

>>CALLER: Spell out please

>>ME: The E comes before the Y

>>CALLER: Spell out

>>ME: It’s Hankey

>>CALLER: Hello?

>>ME: Yes, it’s Hankey

>>CALLER: H-A-N- H-A-N-K-E-Y, correct?

>>ME: Correct.

>>CALLER: Hankey, then?

>>ME: No, it’s just Hankey

>>CALLER: Only Hankey?

>>ME: Yeah. That’s what I use to log into the computer.

>>CALLER: Is it– sir, no, no, provide me with your email address, your email id. Provide me your email id. Do you have an email address? Do you have an email id?

>>ME: I–

>>CALLER: Sir, I’m telling you, do you have email ID?

>>ME: Isn’t it just Hankey? [silence] What is my email address then?

>>CALLER: No, it should be Hankey– You should have other letters like Hankey at the rate of, hankey at like, hankey123 at the rate of, like that

>>ME: Oh, no, no, I don’t have anything like that those get hacked. I, I don’t use that.


[Phone off the hook, me laughing]

And that was just a few cuts from the phone call.

If you really want to geek out I have like a ten minute clip in which I cut out basically all the silence where they wait for me to reboot go to the bathroom, all that sort of fun stuff.

So if you want to listen to the entire conversation, in its entirety, head on over to “63K Extended Playlist” and you can get that video there. There’s also a link down below.

So I hope you enjoyed this video and found it informative. Go ahead and give it a thumbs up if you liked it, share it to others so that they may find it informative and fun, and as always, thanks for watching.

And don’t forget, never trust a scammer.

And if you really didn’t like it, feel free to, um, leave your comments to yourself, [laughs] yeah, right.

About Chad Leigh Kluck

I enjoy technology development and management by following new trends, change and disruption, and security. I have a Master of Science in Software Engineering and my hobbies include railroads, history, do-it-yourself projects, writing, and ham radio (K0RRX). More...

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